Support Through Grief & Loss

What Families May Experience

Children and teens do not always grieve in ways adults expect. A child may ask the same question many times, return to play minutes after crying, become worried about other people dying, or show grief through sleep, anger, clinginess or changes at school. A teen may want privacy, feel responsible for staying strong, or avoid talking because words make the loss feel too real. There is no single correct way or timetable for grief.

Grief can move in and out

Grief rarely travels in a straight line. A child may cry deeply one moment and ask for a snack the next, not because the loss is forgotten but because young nervous systems move in and out of pain in manageable waves. This pattern, sometimes described as grieving in puddles rather than rivers, is healthy. It is not a sign that something is wrong or that the child does not care.

The waves can return without warning. A smell, a song, a holiday, a birthday, or an ordinary Tuesday can bring the loss back to the surface. For teens, the return can feel like a setback when they thought they were coping. Reassuring a young person that grief comes and goes, and that this does not mean they are going backwards, can ease the fear that something has gone wrong.

Sleep, appetite, concentration, and mood often shift during these waves. These changes are part of grieving, not separate problems to fix. When a wave arrives, the most useful response is usually presence rather than solutions.

Helping a child make sense of what changed

Children understand loss differently at different ages. A younger child may think of death as temporary or reversible, and may ask the same question many times because they are working to grasp something their mind is not yet ready to hold. Answering in simple, concrete, honest language, and being willing to repeat the answer, gives a child something steady to return to.

Euphemisms can confuse and frighten. Phrases like “passed away” or “gone to sleep” can leave a child worried about sleeping, or waiting for the person to wake up. Clear words, offered gently, are kinder than vague ones even when they feel harder to say.

Play, drawing, and story often reach a child more deeply than conversation. A child may act out the loss with toys, draw what happened, or tell the story over and over. These are not signs of being stuck. They are how a child processes what words cannot yet hold. Sheila uses play and creative expression to meet children where they are, and child counselling describes how this work unfolds.

For teens, the making sense may happen privately, through writing, music, or time alone. Pressing a teen to talk can shut the door. Offering availability without demand, and letting them choose when and how, often matters more than any single conversation. Youth and teen counselling offers older young people a space of their own.

Supporting connection while making room for loss

Grief does not require letting go. Many children and teens find comfort in continuing bonds, the ongoing relationship with the person or life that was lost. Keeping photographs nearby, telling stories, lighting a candle, or finding small ways to carry the memory forward can help a young person feel that love does not end with loss.

Routines offer a scaffold when everything else feels uncertain. Keeping mealtimes, bedtimes, and ordinary rhythms as steady as possible gives a child something predictable to lean on. Routines are not meant to distract from grief. They hold a place for it within a life that still needs to function.

Mixed emotions are normal and deserve permission. A child may feel sad, angry, relieved, guilty, or even happy at different moments, sometimes all in the same day. Letting these feelings exist without rushing to correct them teaches a young person that grief is wide enough to hold contradictions.

Caregivers carry their own grief while supporting a child through theirs. This is one of the hardest parts of loss. Sheila can support caregivers in finding words, steadying themselves, and recognising that you do not need to be untouched by grief to help a child through it. When a loss has been sudden, frightening, or traumatic, our trauma informed care page describes how that support is paced, and our article on letting the story land before offering advice shares why listening comes first.